Chapter 120 END1 - Chasing the Abyss

The forest stretches endlessly.

I looked down at the things in my hands.

A pregnancy test with two lines and a cell phone displaying an unknown caller ID.

I took a deep breath, placed my phone on the bedside table, clenched the pregnancy test in my hand tightly, and left the bedroom.

Zhao Qingjun, dressed in a purple dress, was scanning the open refrigerator, her left hand resting on her stomach.

In a daze, I seemed to see Jingyan at my house. I was washing up, and she opened the refrigerator and asked me, “Xuanyu, are we having scallion pancakes for breakfast?”

I agreed with my mouth full of foam, then choked and almost swallowed the foam.

My heart ached.

I slowly walked up to Zhao Qingjun. She saw me too, opened her mouth but hesitated for a moment before saying, “I… I’ll see what we can eat.”

I raised my hand and covered Zhao Qingjun’s hand that was touching her stomach.

Her stiffness seeped into my heart along her arm.

“How many months?” I asked.

“More than a month…” she said softly.

“It was about that night?”

“Yes!” she nodded.

“You know we can’t be together, so why are you still keeping it up?” I asked, looking at Zhao Qingjun’s face.

Her face instantly turned deathly pale, but then transformed into a relieved smile.

“Yes, I can’t even support myself, why should I keep it…” Her lips went from a smile to a downturn as she gazed at me and said, “I can’t bear to…”

Those four words shook me to my core.

In a daze, I saw Jingyan again. She grabbed my hand and made me touch her belly, excitedly saying, “Xuanyu, touch it! I told you, if I get pregnant before graduation, we’ll get married after graduation!”

I pressed my face against Jingyan’s belly, listening to the sounds that weren’t actually inside, and smiled happily.

“Xuanyu~” A call made me look up.

It is Zhao Qingjun.

My heart ached sharply.

“Zhao Qingjun…” I stood up and called her name.

“Hmm!” she said, a little nervously.

I took a deep breath and said something that left her frozen in place:

“will you marry me?”

After a long pause, she nodded.

“I do.”

I took her hand and left Berlin; I took her hand and returned to T City; I took her hand and laid everything out to Uncle Qin and Dad.

I don’t remember anything from that day. All I remember is that Uncle Qin and my dad, who never smoke, filled the house with the smell of tobacco.

…

Zhao Chenyu died, died inexplicably, turned into a pile of minced meat. I never thought things would be so simple, but I didn’t care anymore.

My two families fell apart as a result.

Uncle Qin and Aunt Ouyang chose to divorce, my parents also separated, and Jingyan and I broke up.

I didn’t even see Jingyan on the day we broke up.

This scene has appeared in my mind hundreds of times.

I took Zhao Qingjun and Chu Yun with me, and left T City to establish our own company in the capital.

Two years later…

It’s summer again. The morning sun is bright, and as I step onto the soil of T City once more, I still feel a sense of loneliness. Although it’s very close, it’s been a long time since I’ve been back.

I drove straight to Yuezhu Xiaoxuan, where Uncle Qin lives. My father was also there today when he learned I was coming back.

Walking along the path and through the bamboo grove, you’ll see two middle-aged men wearing straw hats sitting together, chatting while holding fishing rods.

“Dad, Uncle Qin!” I went up to greet him.

“Oh, our eldest son is back!” Uncle Qin and Dad greeted me and asked me to sit down next to them. A beautiful woman who looked to be in her twenties smiled and accepted the wine and gifts from my hands.

I was taken aback for a moment, but seeing the knowing look in my father’s eyes, I understood.

This must be Uncle Qin’s new wife, right?

“Dad, how about we fence off a pond? We’re always fishing by this stream, how are we going to catch anything?” I said with a laugh.

“You brat, what do you know? Only those who are destined to catch you will take the bait!” Uncle Qin said, a cigar dangling from his lips. Ever since that incident, Uncle Qin had taken to smoking.

I turned to look at my father beside me. The wrinkles around his eyes had deepened, his temples were graying, and he had never remarried.

It seems that Mom’s departure will leave Dad with a lifelong shadow.

I lowered my head, suddenly beginning to ponder a question that had been nagging at me for a long time: Was what I did right or wrong?

But this question will never have an answer.

I gazed at the gently flowing river, its waters sparkling, and in a daze, I seemed to see a different riverbank.

Uncle Qin, Dad, and I each had a fishing rod and were about to have a competition to see who could catch more fish when a familiar voice suddenly came from behind us.

“Little sister~ do you remember when our two dads got into fishing?” It was Jingyan’s voice.

“I don’t remember. I just remember when I was little, I fell into this river while trying to catch loaches, and my dad pulled me out with his fishing rod,” Xuanman’s voice followed.

“Then she must be in her thirties, right?”

“More or less…”

“That’s it! Xuanyu is only in his twenties, and we’re just about to have a baby. This scumbag has fallen in love with Yu! What are we going to do?!” Jingyan’s pitiful cries made us all laugh.

“Hello, Xuanyu, please enjoy your meal.”

In a daze, a gentle voice interrupted my thoughts, and a cup of warm tea appeared on the small bamboo table beside me.

I looked up at this beautiful woman who was about my age, and I didn’t know how to address her.

My heart ached.

“Xiaoyun, you can call her Sister Yun,” Uncle Qin said, staring at the pond.

“Hello, Sister Yun~”

“Hello, Xuanyu~”

I felt a pang of sadness. Did she really use the formal “you” when addressing me, a junior?

No one can compare to “her”…

“Xuanyu, are you here for lunch?” Dad asked.

“No, I need to go and see other places.”

“Okay, go ahead! Come back one last time before you leave, let’s have a meal together, the three of us.” Dad understood what I meant, and they also knew why I came this time, so they didn’t ask why their daughter-in-law and eldest grandson didn’t come.

After finishing my tea, I left Yuezhu Xiaoxuan under Sister Yun’s watchful gaze.

We drove to the other side of the city, and it was already noon.

Standing in front of a villa, I felt a little uneasy. To be honest, it had been a long time since I had contacted Aunt Ouyang.

I didn’t see her at my wedding or my child’s one-month celebration, but I was surprised by the amount of anonymous gifts she sent.

I don’t know what she’s become now. If she comes out and sees me, will she be happy? Or will she treat me like an enemy and kick me out?

I rang the doorbell and waited quietly when a man came out of the door.

He opened the door for me.

“Hello, may I ask who you are?” This young man was handsome and strong, but his attire… why was he only wearing a suit jacket?

What kind of outfit is this?

“Please inform Aunt Ouyang that Lin Xuanyu has arrived,” I said.

“Lin Xuanyu, is that right? Please come in.” He took the gifts I was carrying and welcomed me through the door.

I was even more puzzled. How did he know my name, and why did he act like it was perfectly natural?

Feeling uneasy, I followed him into the first floor of the villa.

A rich fragrance wafted over, seemingly a blend of roses and other spices.

I cautiously entered the gold-decorated living room. On the red sofa bed in the middle, a fair and delicate leg was draped over the back of the sofa. A handsome young man with a bare upper body was kneeling on one knee to the side, massaging the sole of the delicate foot with his palm.

Even my arrival as a stranger had no impact on his “work” whatsoever.

“Xiao Liu, who’s here?” A voice that was both familiar and unfamiliar came from the sofa, making me tremble.

It’s Aunt Ouyang.

“It’s Mr. Lin Xuanyu,” the man called Xiao Liu said respectfully.

“Xuanyu!” With a flick of her jade foot, she almost knocked the man kneeling on one knee over. Then, a bare face suddenly appeared on the back of the sofa, making my heart warm and my heart ache.

“Aunt Ouyang~” I smiled slightly, calling out this affectionate title.

“Xuan~Yu—” Aunt Ouyang took a long stride, immediately flipped over from the sofa, pounced on me, and hugged me tightly.

It smells so good!

A rich aroma wafted up and startled me.

“Pop—” Then another sweet kiss landed on my face.

“Let Auntie see, my darling~ Oh dear, you’ve lost weight~ Is it because you’re working too hard? Is the company not doing well? Hehe~” Aunt Ouyang cupped my face, and my cheeks were pressed against her teeth by her hands. It was a little uncomfortable, but it made me feel at ease.

She still loves me.

“Sixth Brother and Fourth Brother, you two go and cook.” Aunt Ouyang turned to the two young men and gave them an order, and they responded and left.

Aunt Ouyang wrapped one arm around my neck again and gestured to her thigh. Before I could even finish wondering what was going on, she leaped into the air!

“Ouch!” I quickly hugged her, and in a split second, I gave her a princess carry.

“Carry me to the sofa.”

I sat on the sofa with Aunt Ouyang in my arms, which allowed me to observe her more closely. A red halter-neck nightgown hung on her sexy and alluring body.

Her dark purple hair was completely free of white hair, and the slight crow’s feet at the corners of her eyes made her look even more charming. She had snow-white arms and sexy feet with red nail polish.

Three years have passed, how come she is still so beautiful?

“Is it pretty?” Aunt Ouyang asked with a smile, putting her arm around my neck.

“It looks good,” I nodded, but I didn’t know what to say next.

“It’s good that you look good.” Aunt Ouyang tightened her arms, her rosy face slowly lifted, and her sexy red lips got closer and closer to my mouth, her breath already on my face.

In a daze, it felt as if I had entered another world.

On this sofa, I’m still holding Aunt Ouyang like this.

“Mom~ You’re a grandma now, why are you still clinging to Xuanyu like a little kid!” Jingyan stood in front of the sofa, hands on her hips, pointing at Aunt Ouyang in my arms with an oily spatula and complaining.

“That’s just how I am, so what? Hehehe~” Aunt Ouyang really stuck out her tongue like a child.

“You! Get up and cook! Make baby food!” Jingyan grabbed Aunt Ouyang’s arm, trying to pull it off my neck.

“Oh no, I don’t want to go, I don’t know how to do it!” Aunt Ouyang wouldn’t let go of me.

“Get up!”

“I won’t get up! Xuanyu, hold me tight! Haha, don’t tickle me~”

Aunt Ouyang and Jingyan were playfully bickering, and I watched this scene with a happy smile.

Just as the two were arguing fiercely, Jingyan suddenly froze. She sniffed the air and suddenly realized something: “Oh no, my pancake is going to burn!” She ran away in a panic.

“Run quickly~ Don’t burn yourself too much~” Aunt Ouyang said with a smile.

I twitched my nose, and surprisingly, there was a warm sensation—

I suddenly opened my eyes and saw Aunt Ouyang’s dreamy gaze. The fragrant heat emanating from her nostrils brushed against my face.

My head instinctively shrank back, and Aunt Ouyang’s eyes changed from dazed to cunning.

“You little rascal~” she said playfully, patting my chest.

“By the way, Aunt Ouyang, what are Xiao Liu and Xiao Si?” I was very curious about the two young men’s presence here.

“It’s just sixth and fourth grade, right?” Aunt Ouyang said as if it were perfectly normal.

“What?”

“It’s—small! six! small! four!” She poked me four times.

Okay, I chatted with Aunt Ouyang for a while longer and learned that apart from some investment work, she is basically enjoying life, which puts my mind at ease.

“Lan—President…the meal is ready.” The man named Xiao Liu came over to tell us, shirtless and wearing an apron. I found his attire rather awkward.

“Hmm~” Aunt Ouyang responded, then turned to me and said, “Just eat something light this time, next time you come, I’ll treat you to a big meal.”

“Auntie, I’m not a child anymore,” I said with a smile.

“Are you coming or not?” Aunt Ouyang pointed at my mouth, and I nodded.

Aunt Ouyang got off me and headed to the restaurant. I asked Xiao Liu, “Where’s the restroom?”

Xiao Liu led me to the bathroom door.

While using the toilet, I observed the items inside and found that most of them were disposable items, and the toiletries were all for men.

Do those two young men live here?

After leaving the restroom, I turned two corners before reaching the dining room, where a large European-style dining table was covered with a white tablecloth that stretched all the way to the floor.

A beautifully prepared lunch was laid out on the table. Although Aunt Ouyang said to eat whatever you wanted, the black garlic, beef cubes, and abalone in golden broth on the table did not look simple at all. There was also a bowl of fish maw on Aunt Ouyang’s seat.

What surprised me was that Xiao Si and Xiao Liu were sitting opposite me, and Aunt Ouyang hadn’t arrived yet. Didn’t she just walk into the restaurant?

I shook my head helplessly. I’d better just eat properly.

I had just tasted a piece of beef and was about to say it was well-made when I heard Xiao Si across from me grunt.

I looked up and realized that their upper bodies were both quite tense, and they couldn’t even hold the forks properly. What puzzled me even more was that, in the middle of summer, these two shirtless men were standing very close together.

Why is that?

“Hmm!” Xiao Liu groaned again.

“What’s wrong with you two?” I asked.

“No, it’s nothing!” the two of them said in unison.

I didn’t think about it in detail; I just glanced at the empty main seat.

Just as I was finishing my meal, I felt something moving under the table.

The tablecloth made a rustling sound. I tilted my head and saw that the tablecloth at the head of the table had buckled up, and then a person emerged from it—it was Aunt Ouyang!

Was she under the table the whole time? What was she doing?

When Aunt Ouyang sat down, I realized why, because there was a sticky liquid hanging from the corner of her mouth.

“Hmm~ It smells really good~” Aunt Ouyang’s eyes were charming, her cheeks were rosy, and there was a hint of something on her lips… She was truly a bewitching queen.

Not only did Aunt Ouyang not notice the sticky residue sliding down her lips, but she also picked up a small piece of beef with her fork. Instead of putting it in her mouth, she slowly smeared the warm beef over the sticky residue on her face, from her chin to the corner of her mouth. Then, she parted her red lips slightly, and the piece of beef, with a “white” residue on it, disappeared into Aunt Ouyang’s mouth.

“Mmm~” Aunt Ouyang closed her eyes slightly, a look of enjoyment on her face. “Mmm~ It tastes good~”

I stared at her blankly, my heart filled with mixed emotions.

Just now, was she giving oral sex and swallowing semen to Xiao Si and Xiao Liu under the table?

“Eat up, Xuanyu! Xiao Liu and Xiao Si did a good job this time, give them a little reward!” Aunt Ouyang continued talking to me as if nothing had happened.

Xiao Si and Xiao Liu were smiling as they ate the delicious food on their plates, but I felt like they were eating something tasteless.

I lowered my head.

So, Aunt Ouyang is still the same as before? Or has she become even worse?

Are they already in sixth grade? Or have the later ones not arrived yet?

I said goodbye to Aunt Ouyang with a reluctant look in her eyes.

I picked up my phone, sent a message to someone, and then returned to N University.

As I strolled through the campus, countless memories flooded my mind.

I walked into the laboratory building and visited my former mentor, Li the Devil, the teacher who once called me an idiot. Now, in front of the younger students, he says that I run a technology company in Beijing and am one of his most outstanding students.

Leaving the laboratory building, gazing at the quiet entrance, I remembered a figure who, amidst the gazes of countless others, focused solely on me.

Walking into the girls’ dormitory, watching all sorts of girls coming and going, I remembered one beautiful figure who was the only one in my eyes.

Strolling to the basketball court, I watched the intense game through the wire fence. There, once, a beautiful figure cheered for me.

I walked into the sparsely populated cafeteria, bought a bottle of water, and sat down casually. There, once, there was a beautiful figure; I only ever let her sit opposite me.

We walked to Youth Lake, where we strolled, watched dragonflies skimming the water, and admired the moonlit lotus pond.

Standing in the music classroom, we lingered, listening to the melodious piano music and appreciating its graceful sounds.

Inside the library, we snuggled together, reading the same book and sharing the same pen.

Lingering under the ginkgo tree, we paused here, searching for the same leaves to create different patterns.

I sat quietly on any bench in the school, but even this unattended bench stirred up my memories.

This place holds countless moments of our laughter, but it’s not just here.

We grew up together, and the whole city of T is filled with our memories.

It’s just a memory.

I smiled with relief, stood up, and looked at the sun, which had turned from incandescent to golden yellow.

Has it been that long already?

Indeed, the most exhausting thing is letting the future wander in illusory memories.

I glanced at my phone and hurried toward the school gate.

I don’t know how I feel, but when I walked to a corner of the school gate and saw that beautiful figure again…

I’m glad I didn’t walk around campus with her.

She was still so beautiful, wearing a green dress, with her black hair flowing over her shoulders, and a gentle smile, though there was a hint of melancholy in her eyes.

I can see all of this. Even though we haven’t seen each other for years, the memories that have died still cut my heart.

“Hi, Xuanyu~” The moment she saw me, Jingyan showed the smile I knew, but then awkwardly put it on her lips.

The familiar voice echoed in my ears, stirring countless words within me, but what came out of my mouth was—

“Hi, Jingyan.”

…

I walked to the car and got into the driver’s seat, while Jingyan sat in the passenger seat, which seemed very familiar to me. I didn’t feel any discomfort at all, as if she was meant to be there.

“Have you been waiting for a long time?” I asked.

“No, I just arrived too.” Her polite words brought me back to reality from my hazy sadness, and reminded me of the illusion.

“Xuanyu, you’re late! You’re punished by kneeling on a washboard when you get home!”

Do you have a washboard at home?

“Then… then kneel on the keyboard!”

She would have said that in the past.

The roar of the car engine pulled me back to reality.

Where to?

“I’ve booked a private room at Fuyuan Hotel,” Jingyan said, fiddling with her phone.

I was in a daze again.

“Let’s go to Fuyuan Restaurant, it’s been so long since I’ve had their shredded pork with garlic sauce!” Jingyan suggested.

“Yes, Young Master Lin is treating!” Mu Qianning urged.

“OK!”

I was driving while my mind wandered.

They remained silent the entire way.

After parking the car, we walked side by side without exchanging a word, but her hand was no longer linked with my arm.

After ordering, I found a seat at the round table. Jingyan instinctively sat down next to me, but then, as if she remembered something, she got up and moved to the side. Even though we had arranged to have a meal together, neither of us said a word.

“The decor of this shop is still the same as before.” Jingyan rested her chin on her hand, her eyes sparkling. Her gaze swept left and right, but always lingered on me for a moment when she looked at me.

I nodded, unsure of how to begin.

The waiter came in, and Jingyan took the menu and ordered. She knew what to order without even asking me. Everything was so natural, as if the past two years had just happened yesterday.

After the waiter left, our eyes met again, and then we both glanced to the side.

“You—” I finally spoke.

“How have you been lately? Is that what you wanted to ask?” Her interruption made me unable to get angry at all.

“I’m doing well lately, I just got my marriage certificate not long ago.”

Her calmness stirred up a storm in my heart, but why did I feel a storm?

I have no idea.

I picked up the teacup and took a sip. The warm liquid slid down my throat, but it couldn’t dispel the inexplicable unease in my heart.

Jingyan also picked up her teacup; there was no mark of a ring on her finger.

She squinted and drank slowly. We were talking about something happy, but her eyelashes were trembling slightly.

“When are you planning to have the wedding?” I asked.

“There’s no rush, it should be around October,” Jingyan said casually, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear and looking down at me.

I thought about it and decided not to ask myself whether I should attend.

I just couldn’t bring myself to ask, and I shouldn’t have shown up at all.

“And you? I heard you started a company,” Jingyan asked.

“Hmm~ I am indeed quite busy. Although I had some experience in T City before, I still…” Before I could finish speaking, Jingyan had already lowered her head.

I can’t bring myself to say it.

Because at that time, she lived in my house, making me breakfast every day and waiting for me to come home in the evening.

She’s like a virtuous and caring daughter-in-law.

We all fell silent, but it was precisely this silence that connected us, making it impossible for us to break free.

“How are things between you and Zhao—her?” Jingyan asked, a fleeting sadness crossing her eyes as she mentioned her.

“Fortunately, the child is growing up, and she’s at home too.” When I mentioned Qingjun and the child, the sadness in my eyes lessened considerably.

But when I saw Jingyan, I realized that the sadness hadn’t disappeared; it had just been hidden away.

“Hmm…” she hummed in response. We chatted about heartwarming family matters, but there was always an underlying sense of cold politeness in our conversation.

Just when we were wondering what to talk about, the food was served.

We ate in silence. I picked up a piece of shredded pork with garlic sauce and put it in my mouth. The familiar taste spread across my tongue, and the moment it did, I felt a sense of daze again.

“It’s a bit salty?” I frowned.

“No way!” Jingyan immediately picked up a piece of food with her chopsticks and tasted it. “It’s just right.”

“Okay! I’ll eat something else.”

“What? ~ Let me have another bite ~”

“I won’t eat it.”

“I’ll feed you~ Ah—” Jingyan picked up a chopstick and held it to my mouth.

I opened my mouth to catch it, swallowed it without much chewing, but Jingyan laughed.

“Next time I come, I’ll tell the waiter to make sure there’s less salt.”

“I don’t think it’s a problem with the salt, but rather with the thickening agent. I suspect it was done by the apprentice.”

“Okay, you’re doing research again.”

“Is it not good?” Jingyan’s indifferent voice pulled me back to reality. Only then did I realize that my chopsticks were hanging in mid-air, and the shredded pork with garlic sauce was about to fall.

“No.” I smiled and continued eating with my head down.

We picked food from the same plate, but tasted different flavors, and could no longer taste the same flavor as before.

“Hmm,” she just groaned.

The landscape patterns carved on the chair separating us seem to truly depict thousands of mountains and rivers.

Just then, my phone rang. I picked it up and saw it was a call from the company. I gestured to them and quickly left the private room.

“Okay! Okay! You guys need to hurry up with that requirement, otherwise we won’t be able to meet the deadline for tape-out. Okay! Okay!” I discussed the solution with my colleagues, and when I finished the call, I realized it had taken more than ten minutes.

Jingyan must be worried. I hurriedly went back to the private room, but it was empty. However, Jingyan’s bag was still there.

Where did she go? To the restroom? I’m going there too.

I passed by a private room, went to the bathroom to pee, and when I came back, I still didn’t see Jingyan. That’s strange.

I called Jingyan, and it rang for a long time before she answered.

“Hello, Xuanyu?” Jingyan’s voice sounded a little muffled, but I heard the same voice from outside. Could it be that Jingyan was right next to me?

I said a few words and hung up the phone. When I walked into the corridor, I found that there were only two private rooms on our route, and there was another route to the restroom, so not many people were walking around here.

In another dark private room, the door was open.

I held my phone to my ear, pretending to make a call, and walked to the door of another private room.

“Ah …

“Clap clap clap!”

The familiar yet dull thud and panting sounds instantly pierced my mind. Could it be Jingyan? Who is that man? Just as I was wondering, the person inside spoke.

“Was that your ex-boyfriend on the phone just now?” A rather young voice came through, sounding suppressed. Was this Jingyan’s husband?

“Ah, yes!” That voice belonged to Jingyan!

“You slut, you just made plans with your ex and you’re texting me now.” The man’s low curse sent a chill down my spine. What was going on?

“Mmm~ Hurry up~ Hurry up~ Ugh!” Jingyan’s moans were very faint, yet very heavy.

“Why don’t you let your ex-boyfriend fuck you here? Isn’t this what you like best?” I was speechless as I listened to the man’s words. Is this what Jingyan’s boyfriend should say?

“No~ No~ I don’t want to~ Ahhh!” Jingyan responded excitedly amidst her panting.

“Don’t want to? Your fiancé is coming to pick you up later, isn’t he?” The boy’s words stunned me so much that I froze. Wasn’t the man inside Jingyan’s boyfriend?

“Yes, yes, I told him… he’ll come pick me up later!”

“I knew it! This is what makes it exciting. The guy in the next room… wow, that’s your ex-boyfriend. Your current boyfriend will be here to pick you up later, and you’ll be getting fucked hard in the middle of it all!” The man said viciously, and the sounds of the impact became even louder.

“Clap clap clap clap clap!”

“Ah, please be gentle!” Jingyan almost couldn’t suppress a groan.

“Tell me, isn’t this what you like best, you slut!”

“Yes! I love it the most, I love this feeling~ It’s so good~ Ahh, hurry up~ Hurry up~ Ahh! So good!” Jingyan suppressed her wanton and lewd words.

“Holy shit! You’re squeezing me to death! Where am I supposed to shoot?”

“Inside! Inside!” Jingyan gasped excitedly.

“You went to see your ex-boyfriend with my semen inside you, and then got into your fiancé’s car, right?”

“Yes!!! It is!! Ahhh!!” Jingyan was even a little excited.

I quietly returned to our private room.

Five or six minutes later, Jingyan returned. I glanced at her face, which was flushed with excitement.

But I looked very sad.

Jingyan, is it still the same?

After eating a few more bites, Jingyan called.

“My boyfriend is here to pick me up, I’m leaving now.” Jingyan picked up her bag and left, and I followed behind her.

A Rolls-Royce was parked at the door; it seems Jingyan’s new boyfriend is really rich.

“I’m leaving~” The car door opened, and Jingyan waved goodbye to me, but strangely, she didn’t sit in the passenger seat. Instead, she opened the back door.

Before I could even say goodbye to her, what I saw inside the car left me frozen in place.

Two identical beauties were in the back seat, but they weren’t sitting. They were completely naked, with their legs wide open, exposing their private parts. When Jingyan got on the bus, one of them even made room for her.

I recognized their faces; they were Mu Qianning and Mu Lingze.

I stared blankly at Jingyan’s composed demeanor, then glanced at the young man in the driver’s seat. He rolled down the window and gave me a polite smile.

“Brother, I’ll treat you to a meal next time I come to T City.”

I watched the car drive away, a bitter smile creeping onto my face.

Jingyan is still Jingyan…

Twins, still twins…

Whether Zhao Chenyu is there or not, it’s all the same.

I picked up a fallen leaf; it was still green, but it had been separated from the embrace of the tree. I flicked it, and the leaf drifted into the green belt, just like the past between Jingyan and me.

Jingyan and I are probably saying goodbye forever.

As the sun slowly sank below the horizon, I drove towards my “last stop,” my mother’s house, which is now also Xuanman’s house. Xuanman is married to Weng Qiang, the son of the deputy director of the police station, and is pregnant. The main reason she came back this time was to see her younger sister.

I stopped at a small, detached house, where the plump figure I was looking forward to was already waiting at the door.

“Xuanyu~”

“Mom~”

I carried the gifts and walked up to my mother.

Why are you still buying things?

“Hey, these were all recommended by Qingjun. She said they’re very practical, and Xuanman should find them useful.” My mother and I chatted as we walked into the house.

As soon as the door opened, Xuanman, who was heavily pregnant, came to greet me.

“Brother~” Xuanman smiled and took my arm, so affectionately that she forgot she was heavily pregnant. I quickly and carefully supported her.

“Big brother~” Weng Qiang placed the slippers in front of me and took Xuanman from beside me.

I met him when we got married. He was young and handsome, with short hair and black-rimmed glasses. He just looks a bit stronger now than before.

“You did alright~” Xuanman said with a satisfied look.

“That’s right, that’s right!” Weng Qiang nodded vigorously, which seemed somewhat incongruous with his physique.

“Brother, sit down and eat.” Weng Qiang helped Xuan Man sit down and then quickly pulled out a chair for me. There were simple home-style dishes on the table: braised pork and sweet and sour pork ribs, which are my favorites.

More importantly, this is the taste of mom’s cooking that I haven’t had in a long time.

Although I just had a meal with Jingyan, I didn’t actually eat much.

Moreover, even if I’m already full, I still can’t help but devour these dishes.

I sat down next to my mother, and she put the biggest piece of pork rib into my bowl, just like when I was a child, she first removed the bones.

I took a bite, and the familiar taste made my nose sting, and my vision blurred again.

“Come on, Xuanman~ You’re about to take the college entrance exam, eat more.” After Mom put a piece on my plate, she put another piece on Xuanman’s plate.

“Mmm~ It smells so good~ I ran 800 meters in PE class today, I’m exhausted.” Xuanman complained, puffing out her cheeks.

“Oh? My Xuanman must be number one, right?” Dad smiled and put a piece of aspic on Mom’s plate.

“That’s right! Two more laps wouldn’t be a problem!”

Haha~

Our family of four sat around the dining table, surrounded by delicious aromas and laughter.

Oh, and around this time, the doorbell should ring, and then a mother and daughter will walk in, sit down at the dining table, and say they want to freeload a meal.

But… why can’t I remember?

“Brother, want something to drink?” A strange voice pulled me back to reality. It was Weng Qiang sitting across from me.

The four of us are no longer at the dinner table, and my parents will no longer be at the same table at the same time.

“I…I still have to drive.” I shook my head.

“Hey, what are you talking about? It’s not safe for you to drive alone so late. Just stay here tonight, Mom has already made up your bed.” As he spoke, Weng Qiang took out a bottle of Moutai from the top of the liquor cabinet.

“Don’t drink it! What if the smell wafts at me?” Xuanman suddenly stopped him.

“Okay, okay, I won’t drink it.” Weng Qiang quickly put the wine back and smiled at me apologetically.

I smiled and said it was okay, then turned my gaze to Xuanman and noticed that she was just picking at the rice in her bowl with her chopsticks, without eating it.

“What’s wrong, Xuanman?” I asked.

Weng Qiang had already squatted down beside her, holding her hand: “Have you lost your appetite again?”

“I don’t know…” Xuanman pouted.

“Then I’ll go buy you your favorite chestnuts.” Weng Qiang helped her to sit down on the sofa not far away, while he remained squatting in front of her.

Xuanman’s eyes lit up, but then she shook her head: “Too far.”

“It’s not far, it only takes ten minutes by car.”

“Okay! Then go quickly~” Xuanman waved her hand, her movements resembling the male protagonist in Pokémon throwing a Poké Ball.

“Understood!” Weng Qiang grabbed the car keys and rushed out, like a soldier receiving an urgent mission.

The mother watched quietly, a faint smile on her lips.

I moved closer to my mother, her faint fragrance filling my senses. I quietly asked, “Mom, has Xiaoqiang always spoiled her like this?”

Although I had heard that Xuanman was quite assertive at home, I was still a little surprised to see it in person.

Besides, Xuanman is still a college student, and Weng Qiang has only been working at the law firm for a short time. No matter how henpecked they are, it shouldn’t be to this extent.

“It’s been like this ever since they started dating.” The mother also lowered her voice, “If your sister says east, he will never go west.”

I asked again, “Is it because I came, or because you live here? Or because Xuanman is pregnant?”

“It’s easy to pretend for a day, but hard to pretend for two years.” Mom patted my hand. “He really loves Xuanman.”

“That’s good.”

After dinner, my mom and I sat on the sofa and ate watermelon.

My mother kept smiling at me, but in the afterglow of the setting sun, a hint of melancholy rose on her face.

“Lie down for a while if you’re tired.” She gently combed my hair.

I leaned on her shoulder, letting myself become the little boy I was many years ago.

This is the most reassuring embrace I’ve ever had, besides Zhao Qingjun’s.

I closed my eyes, and a different image flashed through my mind again.

A blurry figure appeared on the other side of my mother, making the same intimate gesture as me.

“Look here, bride and groom, smile! Auntie, make your expression more expressive! Okay!” The flash went off in a flash, and I looked up, through my mother’s cheongsam-clad figure, at the woman in the white wedding dress on the other side.

But…where is her face? I can’t see it clearly anymore.

“Brother~ What should I do~ I’m going to have to extend my studies~” Xuanman’s complaining voice made me open my eyes and return to reality. There were no flashlights, no her, only the blurry figures of mother and son reflected on the TV screen.

I teased her, “Who told you to have a child so early?”

“How can you blame me!” Xuanman wailed. Just then, the doorbell rang. Xuanman pointed to her stomach, realized something was wrong, and then pointed to Weng Qiang, who had just entered the door: “It’s his fault!”

Weng Qiang was carrying chestnuts in one hand and fruit in the other. His forehead was covered in sweat, and he looked completely bewildered, not knowing what had happened. But he subconsciously replied, “It’s my fault, it’s my fault.”

As he spoke, he walked towards the sofa, placed the bag of chestnuts on it, sat down next to Xuanman, and began peeling chestnuts for her.

Xuanman also took out a tissue and gently wiped the sweat from Weng Qiang’s forehead.

I gazed into my sister’s eyes, which were filled with cherished happiness, just like the way Qingjun looked at me.

I finally understand why Xuanman was willing to keep the child.

She truly found her own love and understood love.

The last trace of worry in my heart gently subsided—it seemed that Mom and Xuanman had not ended up like Aunt Ouyang and Jingyan; they had finally returned to a normal life.

That night, I moved into the second bedroom, where my mother had already made up the bed.

Although it smelled familiar, I could never sleep soundly lying in an unfamiliar bed.

I checked my phone; it was already midnight. The pinned message on WeChat was still from Qingjun, sent at 10:00 AM: “Come back early.”

I chuckled and prepared to get up to go to the restroom.

I quietly got out of bed and had just pushed open the bedroom door when I saw two blurry figures on the sofa in the center of the living room, which made me stop in my tracks.

Under the dim light of the nightlight, a short-haired man stood facing the sofa, his pajamas lifted. In front of him, a woman sat on the sofa, her head moving back and forth between his groin and his chest.

“Hmm~ Hmm~ Ugh! Ugh!” The soft swallowing sounds were like the buzzing of mosquitoes in my ear.

I felt a surge of frustration. This Xuanman is really something. She’s about to give birth, and she’s still up so late playing these exciting games with Weng Qiang. Now I can’t even go to the bathroom.

However, I can understand it. That’s how pregnancy is. When Zhao Qingjun was heavily pregnant, she could only use her mouth.

Through the crack in the door, I squinted and stared intently at the woman on the sofa. Xuanman was really voluptuous now—no, the most voluptuous part of this woman’s body wasn’t her stomach, but… her breasts?

This isn’t Xuanman, this is her mother!

The woman giving my brother-in-law oral sex was my mother…

“Mmm~ Mmm~ Ugh!”

“Ah~ um! Mom~ my brother is in the second bedroom, is that alright?” Weng Qiang’s suppressed voice came through.

“Hmm~ It’s okay if you only use your mouth and the sound isn’t loud.” The familiar voice almost made my brain split open, but my mother spoke again.

“Xuanman said you haven’t done this in a long time, and she still needs to think about graduation, um!”

“Let her recover first. Before she goes to the hospital, let you release some ‘uh-huh’!”

“After Xuanman gives birth, Mom may not have as much energy.”

While swallowing and spitting out Weng Qiang’s penis, the mother spoke softly.

I was stunned. It turned out that my sister also knew about the relationship between my mother and her husband, and it was even possible that Xuanman had instigated it.

“Mom~ I will definitely love you and Xuanman, and the children well. I love you with everything~” Weng Qiang suppressed his voice, but his tone was very sincere.

“With you saying that, I am your woman.” The mother continued to suck and swallow the penis, but her legs were also rubbing together.

Weng Qiang also discovered it.

“Mom~ do you want one too~” Weng Qiang asked, stroking his mother-in-law’s head.

“Ugh! I don’t want to… Mom wants you to ejaculate in Mom’s mouth,” Mom gasped.

But Weng Qiang pulled his hips back and withdrew his penis from his mother’s mouth. Then, he leaned down and kissed his mother’s lips, pressing his upper body down and pinning her against the corner of the sofa.

“Mmm!” Mom opened her legs and obediently wrapped them around Weng Qiang’s waist. This action didn’t seem like the first time.

With a thrust of his hips, accompanied by a soft moan, Weng Qiang’s penis entered his mother’s vagina. This action didn’t seem like the first time.

The mother hugged Weng Qiang’s neck and said softly, “No, no, go back to the bedroom, your brother will hear us.”

“Mom, are you afraid to make a sound?” Weng Qiang asked with a wicked smile.

“Hmm~ Go back to the bedroom, Mom will call you~” Mom said coquettishly, touching Weng Qiang’s face.

Weng Qiang lifted his mother’s legs with both arms and carried her away from the living room.

In the decadent living room, only the moonlight remained…

I quietly went back to bed.

It turns out that whether Zhao Chenyu is there or not is the same; what has already happened will happen again.

Xuanman did find love, but she was still just as crazy, and her mother was still having an affair with her daughter’s husband.

Nothing has changed.

They all banished themselves into the abyss of desire.

The next day, despite my mother’s repeated urging, I embarked on my journey home.

As I was leaving, I stood at the doorway, gazing at her for a long time. Sunlight streamed onto her voluptuous figure; she hadn’t changed at all, truly hadn’t changed at all…

I returned to Yuezhu Xiaoxuan and had dinner with my father and Uncle Qin. Then, as the sun set, I returned to my home in the capital.

As soon as the fingerprint lock stopped beeping, I opened the door. Zhao Qingjun was lying face down on the soft carpet, her chin resting on her hand, gazing at our son with her eyes crinkling. The little guy was pushing his toy car, babbling away, his chubby fingers pressing on the headlights, the light flashing in his innocent eyes.

It was also reflected in my eyes.

“You’re back?” Qingjun looked up at me, her eyes immediately lighting up with surprise.

She got up, came over, and hugged me. I reached out and pulled her into my arms, lifting her legs and sinking into the sofa with her in my arms. I buried my face in her warm chest, breathing in her familiar fragrance.

Forgetting something…

“What’s wrong, honey?” she gently stroked my head.

“Nothing,” I replied in a muffled voice, but I tightened my grip on his arm even more.

The moment I closed my eyes, countless images surged in the darkness—I remembered Aunt Ouyang who suddenly jumped on my back and asked me to carry her; I remembered Mu Qianning who bickered with me; I remembered Mu Lingze who always complained about how hard her work was; I remembered Xuanman who asked me to keep her comic books safe; I remembered my gentle mother wearing an apron that I could see as soon as I got home; and I remembered Qin Jingyan, my childhood sweetheart who always had eyes for me.

A sudden, subtle ache welled up in my chest, like being gently pricked by countless needles.

Am I living a bad life now? Not at all. Even if I were to just lie down and do nothing, I would still have more money than I could ever spend, a wife who loves me, and an adorable son.

But there’s always a sense of regret gripping my heart, squeezing it every now and then, causing me pain all over.

This pain will stay with me for the rest of my life…

I could have been with Jingyan. I could have grown old with her. I could have had three happy families and walked through the years together.

But they’ve all disappeared, vanished from a choice I wouldn’t even notice if I thought about it.

There’s a saying that goes, “When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.” But the problem is, the abyss won’t tell you it’s the abyss; it will disguise itself as a harmless sheep and silently infiltrate your destiny.

So don’t take chances, don’t hesitate—no…

Stay away from the abyss.

(The End of the Chasing Abyss)